Esteban : Did you have a good class tonight? Wendy : We were supposed to write something fresh and I didn’t… I used the first page from my “Flea Flicker” story because it was in first person and fit the assignment. Esteban : So… you cheated. Wendy : I didn’t cheat! Why does everyone say […]
Have I mentioned recently how much I really want to change my name? To Arlene. Because not much would ever be expected from an Arlene. Arlene can make you brownies. Arlene is a proud member of the Moose Women’s lodge. Arlene sets up the candles on the altar every Sunday and brings red jell-o with […]
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Thursday, October 2, 2003
I don’t think the Pixies have ever done anything wrong in their lives. I love me some Pixies. It occurred to me driving home from school on Tuesday night that I’m 32 years old and I’m still listening to a lot of the same music I was when I was 17. I don’t know what […]
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Sunday, September 28, 2003
Someone somewhere else in the cube farm just let loose with this total wicked laugh. Like “Mua ha hahahahaHA!” Only, it was their real laugh. Regardless, I almost peed my pants. I had no idea that I worked with Snively Whiplash, who is apparently a woman in peri menopause. Also, yesterday I was called into […]
Thursday, August 28, 2003
There’s a cricket living in my garage. And with the acoustics in the garage, he sounds like the biggest cricket in the history of cricketdom. He’s not a cricket, he’s a Cricket. He’s Cricketasaurus Rex. The Cricket does not need a prop. When I walk out into my breezeway (which is now technically a mudroom […]
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Someone this weekend remarked that ‘ass’ is my favorite word. I agreed that while it is not probably my favorite word, it is heavy in my vocab rotation. ‘Ass’ is the little black dress of the conversation, if you think about it. It is appropriate almost anywhere. Jesus did in fact ride into Jerusaleum on […]
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Wednesday, August 6, 2003
I got neato mail the other day. Not a bill, not a coupon for a lawn service, not another credit card application, not a disk for a gazillion hours of free AOL. Actual real mail. The first thing that was cool was a letter from my friend Laurie, she of the Shit In Her Face. […]
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Wednesday, August 6, 2003
In further proof that the universe does not want me to look cute, after I applied my post-lunch lipstick, I was getting into the car and my breasts were so perky that as I ducked my head, my lips touched my chest. On one breast of my white shirt, a perfect upside-down lip print in […]
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I am very sad today. Karl the fish at 826 Valencia died. I just now found out. Too late to send flowers or bowls of red jell-o and bananas and Cool-Whip. Karl was Jen Larsen’s boyfriend. I wanted him to be my fishy boyfriend, but did not want to step on the beautiful delicate feet […]
There is a tiny little dwarf with a pickaxe who has somehow gotten into my skull and he’s going at the gray matter like there are diamonds to be found within the wrinkles. It’s migraine time again, kiddies. Oh happy day. I went home mid-morning yesterday, after fighting the burgeoning pain with caffeine and Advil […]